New Beginnings

Starting things is easy. You just pluck up enough courage to take the first step. However, it's taking the second, third, and final steps that require even more motivation and determination. Most things in my life are like that, except for perhaps writing essays. (I can never start those, but as soon as I've got the intro, the rest is a piece of cake). Everything from friendships, to meeting strangers on the bus, the starting a new job, to moving away from my family. All of these things are incredibly easy to begin, but as soon as the initial thrill wears off, I have no idea what I am doing and wish to return to where I was.

Am I the only one?

In my experiences with people, most say that challenging things get better. They become less difficult as you move forward, and that after a period of time, there isn't anything to look back at. Rather, there is only looking forward. Practically, that makes sense. Sentimentally, letting go is so much harder than anyone makes it out to be. And besides, none of the people I have talked to have not been going through quite as much change as I have.

But then again, change is subjective.

If you had asked me where I was going to be right now, I would have said in college. Probably studying for a test, or completing some busy work. Biking through a gorgeous campus in Colorado or Seattle, completely oblivious to the fact that winter is drawing closer. I might be reading a book on my front porch, or chatting happily with some friends. Maybe resisting the peer pressure to go and party, maybe not. Probably texting some, being on Facebook, and taking lots of pictures to post to Instagram. At any rate, I would not have said that I would be sitting in a living room, all the way across the country, with a screaming baby on my lap.

The Lord works in funny ways, doesn't He?

At any rate, this year is a year of change. A year of finding out what I am made of. Of finding out if I am strong enough to brave the next steps in my journey. And already I have started looking back and thinking about where I wish I was, and all the things I could have done there. Sometimes, if I wrack my brain for some imagery, I imagine that I see a parallel line of where I would be if I hadn't come here. It's quite interesting to think about, but I've also decided that it's a fruitless endeavor. Why?

Because that line will never join with the line I am on right now.

Why not?

Because that's how parallel lines work....

But really, there is no point in looking back on what I might have said or done. What might have happened in a certain situation. Which decision I would have made under different circumstances. And this blog is not for me to tell stories about what would have happened. It's here for me to write what is happening, what's going on in my unimaginably college-free life. To record what is happening in the new current that my life is taking. Looking at this alternate version of myself and thinking what might have been is akin to sitting down and doing nothing with where I am now. So, what am I going to do?

Who knows?

All I've got so far is to take another step.