Is God a Candy Dispenser?

I used to think that prayer was something I could control. Like, the harder I prayed, then God would get the hint that I needed something and would give it to me. I always thought the more often I thought about needing something, God would just give it to me because He was annoyed by how often I wanted it. I thought I could shove my way through to God, like when I was a kid and I wanted to be first in line to see Santa. I was always under the assumption that my prayers weren't being answered because God couldn't hear them, and I had hopes that if He would see that I was persistent, He would realize how badly I needed whatever I was praying for.

I have thus discovered that this is not how prayer works.

Even though prayer isn't something that you can muscle your way through, that doesn't mean we should stop praying. God does hear our prayers. And I've seen Him answer some of mine in very tangible ways, and I know that miracles happen every day around the world. I'm not the only one who has seen the presence of God through answered prayers. But sometimes we feel as though prayer just isn't working. When we want something really badly, it's hard not to blame God for not answering our prayers promptly and in the way we desire.

So, I've thought of a really good analogy for prayer. (Well, at least I think it's pretty accurate. At any rate, this is how I think of prayer). Here I go:

Imagine you have a friend who has an unlimited supply of jelly beans. (Slight disclaimer here: imagine that you really love jelly beans, but because you are a poor college student, you can't afford jelly beans. EVER). You don't know where the jelly beans came from, you don't know how they never run out, but they are there nonetheless. And they are spectacular jelly beans. They are the best things you have ever tasted. Normal jelly beans just don't compare with how delicious these ones are. You can't just go and buy these jelly beans from the store, even though you have tried, and when you've bought some, you become more discouraged because they are disappointing compared to your friend's jelly beans.

So, what's the most natural thing to do?

Ask your friend to share some of his jelly beans. And it's not like he's going to run out, EVER, so he doesn't mind giving you any. He doesn't mind giving ANYONE any. But sometimes, when we come back with our hands open to grab some, your friend says, "Nah ah, not today." This seems like a case of tough luck, and in some respects it is; but also, your friend knows that you cannot simply live on a diet of jelly beans. Although he wants to give you all the jelly beans you want, he knows that sometimes we need some fruits and vegetables in our diet to keep us healthy and happy. Not giving us jelly beans isn't hurting your friend in any way, it's not like he's going to run out. But he cares enough about your well being to turn you away. Even though we get angry and tell him that we can't be friends until he gives us what we want. And although what we want is jelly beans, he sends us on our way to find something more sustaining, not for his sake, but for ours.

Sound familiar?

I used to think that God would just give me easy solutions and answers to my prayers, in my own time, in my own place, in my own specifications. I always thought that God was always turning me away because I never saw the answers to my prayers in the ways I had intended. More often than not, I see that the Lord answers all of my prayers, just in very different ways. The Lord isn't doing this for himself, He doesn't want to see me writhe in anguish over the unanswered prayers of my day, but He knows what is best for me. And sometimes (all of the time) what is best for me, is not what I want.

Just ask my mom, she'll tell you how many times she sent me to bed because I wouldn't eat my vegetables.

I often want God to give me those jelly beans, and I think that if I beg loudly and in an annoying fashion, He will give them to me. I think that however much I pray for something, He will finally realize that I won't leave without what I came for, and He'll place it in my grubby, little hands.

I am having to come to terms with this very different image of prayer.

So far in this year of being away from home and not being in school, I have learned that God really does answer my prayers, and that He answers them in ways that are going to better me as a person, and help me to grow. Sometimes growing is painful, and I often don't want God to fix something in a particular way. But if God gave me things on my terms, when would anything work out for His glory? Would I ever take the time to pray to God again, or to praise Him when I could tangibly see the results of my hard praying?

I don't think so.

Adjusting to the idea of God answering my prayers when He knows is best for me, is a hard realization, and I'm still working on it. Sometimes I feel like I've been praying for things for years, and nothing about them is ever going to get better. But I have to remember. My time is different than God's time. According to C.S. Lewis, I am simply a line on a page, something that must travel between point B to go from point A to point C. I can't just skip around. But God is the page I am on. He sees all points in my life that I cannot even imagine, and He sees them all infinitely. What I'm doing tomorrow is His today. He has infinity to observe every single one of my prayers and thoughts. And so I think He knows a little bit better than I do when it comes to answering them.

Here, I'll give an example of a prayer lately. When I worked as a full-time nanny, there wasn't a whole lot of social interaction going on. I prayed almost every single day for God to give me friends, to make me feel less lonely, anything really. And for a while I was frustrated, because it seemed as though God was just letting me go it alone. Now, looking back on the last few months, I realize that God was asking me to turn to Him during this time of trial. To ask Him for help. To trust Him implicitly. (I have never been good with trust, so this has been an incredible challenge). But as soon as I let go of all my inhibitions, I realized that God was providing me with ways to be less lonely. He was giving me creative outlets, such as my blog and social networking. He was giving me interesting people on the bus to meet. He was providing me with a loving campus fellowship to interact with, and a blessed living environment. But most importantly, He was giving me Himself. He was giving me His son. And He was giving me His Holy Spirit.

Now, this is definitely not what I thought would happen. I assumed that God would step in and banish all my feelings of loneliness and anxiety, and I would never experience those again. I thought that the Lord would end my job, giving me another one where I would have more social interactions. But neither of these fantasies would have benefited me in the long run. God forced me to trust in him, a much better technique for long term living. I was forced out of my comfort zone, I was forced to adapt to my surroundings as well as to new ways of thinking. And this has provided me with much more lasting skills which I can use to battle my loneliness and anxiety the next time. If I had simply been easily saved, I wouldn't know how to fix the root of these problems the next time they arise....

That realization in and of itself, is truly amazing. I mean, the Lord of all time and space and imagining is offering HIMSELF to me, because I am lonely, and He is offering me a long-term solution to ALL of my problems. I'm still letting that sink in, but I'm not sure it ever will. It's just too crazy to think about. But when I finally accepted that I needed to trust God more and to learn to be friends with Him first, and then friends with others second; He did answer my prayer for not being at that job any longer, although, yet again, I did not think that it would happen quite the way it did.

So, if there's any singular piece of advice that I can give confidently about anything in my life, it would be this:

Keep Praying.

God's time is not your time, so everything that is going to happen will happen in the best possible way;
because even though you can't see where you're going, God knows your final resting place. And He loves to see you happy. He loves answering your prayers. And He knows exactly when and how to answer them.